The Malt Shovel: 11-15 Cockburn St, Edinburgh

This is a reasonable pub in a convenient location near the train station. It has a good selection of beers and whisky and I believe they also do food. It’s a middle of the road pub. While it has the wooden décor of an old man bar it is actually fairly lively at the weekend. While the bar area is generally packed though, you can generally get a seat through the back. They also have smallish TVs so you can keep an eye on the sport while you are there. The only problem is it can often take a while to get served at the bar.

The Cramond Inn: 30 Cramond Glebe Road, Edinburgh

It’s such a shame. Not so long ago this was a great pub; which provided tasty food, friendly service and a decent yet cheap pint.  Indeed only 2 years ago I reviewed it as one of the best bars in Edinburgh (read my original review here).

However on a recent trip back to the Cramond Inn I was not impressed. I visited on a Saturday night and was surprised to find the bar almost empty. Some may say that the recession has hit the Cramond Inn, however you can still get a pint there for under £2. I believe it has more to do with the poor quality of food, questionable service and that they had run out of at least one of their standard beers.

So to begin with: the food. I meet some mates there and we all ordered food. Of the four of us, only one was happy with their choice of food. None of us are exactly pretentious about our food. I have said before I consider Wetherspoon’s food fine dining, but the food at the Cramond Inn was pretty poor. One of my mates ordered Fish and Chips, which, let’s face it, is pretty hard to screw up, but the fish when it appeared looked like it had been lying in the desert for a week.  If you do order food there only order the Scampi. The food used to be really good here so I think they must have sacked their Chef and be cooking food in the microwave now.

'Desert Sucker' it's on the menu at the
Cramond Inn under Fish and Chips

The service: The bar staff were giving us some bizarre patter and despite the bar being pretty much empty it still took a while to get served. Sadly the attractive barmaid from a couple of years ago was nowhere to be seen. They could also do with employing a new cleaner as the bar looked and smelled fairly dirty.

Is this dodgy looking man no
longer brewing the Alpine?

The Beer: Their Samuel Smith’s beer is still ridiculously cheap and a pint of Sovereign (their John Smith’s equivalent) is still a great pint. However they had ‘run out’ of the Standard lager served at the Cramond Inn called ‘Alpine,’ which meant my mates had to choose a substitute which was the price of an average pint anywhere else. I find it hard to understand how they could have run out when they were so quiet though on looking up the beer on the internet I have seen comments that the brewery may have stopped making this beer. If this is the case the staff at the Cramond Inn left us none the wiser.

To sum up, I used to love the Cramond Inn and I certainly love a cheap pint, but I found my recent trip a major disappointment and don’t think I’ll be back for a while.

Malones: 14 Forrest Road, Edinburgh

Back in the late 1990s Ireland was on the up and up economically, the Corrs were at the top of their game and there was an Irish bar on every corner of Edinburgh (Scruffy Murphy's on George the IV Bridge a particular favourite – now the Villager). Okay, history lesson over, fast forward to 2011 and there are far fewer Irish bars in Edinburgh and even less of them are good. Malones isn’t in the good category.   

Malones problem is that it tries to be all things to all men and fails in every category. The only Irish beer on tap is Guinness and I’ve never had a good pint of Guinness there – fail! As a place to watch the sport it’s reasonable, I’ve watched a few Champions League matches there and they show more than one game on their various TVs. Unfortunately I’ve also been there during the Six Nations (rugby) when a penalty was about to be kicked and the big screen TV shorted out – fail! I guess if you’re a student it’s ok, as you can get a pint of Carlsberg for £2, however, just down the road at Finnegan’s Wake you can get a pint of Best for £1.75, a far better drink and better value.

Sure you wouldn’t go to Malones for the entertainment either. I remember seeing a band there singing the song by Example called Kickstarts. Listen to this song then try to imagine one member of the band singing the electronic music bit – bizarre! The performance literally cleared the bar. I also went for a drink in this bar not knowing there was a Father Ted fancy dress night on. Now I like Father Ted, but this fancy dress affair was horrendous. Folk dressed like edjits, hanging underwear on a washing line, clichéd Irish dancing and pissed guys dropping their trousers. Add to this a bad pint of Guinness and you’ve got a truly awful night out! I’d have had a better night if I’d stayed at home, cracked open a few cans of beer and watched an episode of Father Ted!

Watch an episode of Father Ted instead!

Bert’s Bar: 29-31 William Street, Edinburgh

What a fantastic bar. This is the type of no nonsense bar where you can get a pie and a decent pint of ale. This is an ideal place to catch up on the football in a relaxing atmosphere and enjoy some proper beer. What more needs to be said? Only that a pint of Best or Deuchars is £2.60 – incredible value!

Proper Beer!

The Murrayfield Hotel: 18 Corstorphine Road, Murrayfield, Edinburgh

If you are going to watch the rugby at Murrayfield Stadium, there is not a better place to have a pint before, after the game, or both. I’ve been to the Murrayfield hotel many a time and never had a bad pint there which is quite an achievement in itself. During international test matches the place is packed, however the bar staff are quite efficient so you don’t have to wait too long to be served. While you watch the pre match commentary on their TVs, should you need some inspiration, Rugby memorabilia adorns their walls. Even when the rugby is not on it’s worth a visit if you are in the Murrayfield area as it does some decent scran (translation - food) and as mentioned a decent pint.   

Traditional on the outside modern on the inside

The West End Hotel: 35 Palmerston Place, Edinburgh

Friday took me back to the West End Hotel to see the unique Andy Chung singing some Scottish folk music. I always enjoy a trip to the West End hotel, particularly because you get one of the finest pints of Best poured in Edinburgh. There are also some other fine beers in bottles behind the bar, a Trade Winds was only £2 – surely a bargain in this economic climate!

If you are going to see the Chung (he plays there around once a month), go early and get a seat at a table near the band. The bar area is quite small and narrow so if you are standing people are constantly trying to get past which can get a bit irritating.

Live music isn’t the only reason to visit the West End hotel though. As I mentioned the Best is unrivalled and it can be a nice location for a quiet pint on a Sunday afternoon where you can catch up on the football results on their plasma telly. The bar staff are friendly and helpful, which is an unexpected bonus in Edinburgh! One of the bar staff even helped me carry some drinks over to my table. Oh and the bar area is called ‘Time’ bar. There are quite a few clocks towards the back area of the bar so no worries if you forget your watch!

A nice bar

The Mitre: 131-133 High Street, Edinburgh

A typical Edinburgh pub, which is to say; it's a fairly average old man sort of pub, frequented by tourists, where you are charged over £3 a pint for the privilege of drinking a very average pint of beer, poured by an inexperienced and rude barman/barmaid, on the Royal Mile.    

Originally published on my first pub review blog which was edited by my IT literate New Zealand mate http://edinburghpubs.blogspot.com/

1780: 167 Rose Street, Edinburgh

What a nice bar. I’ve often walked past this bar but never gone in. Well it’s worth a visit if you like proper beer and proper music. There is a good selection of bottled ale and they do Murphy’s on tap – which you don’t see much of these days, even in Irish bars. You can enjoy your beer as you relax on the sofa by the door to the sounds of musical geniuses such as Bob Dylan and Eric Clapton. Also if conversation dries up there are plenty of pictures on the wall to look at.

The food seems pretty good, all I ordered was a bowl of chips but I haven’t enjoyed a plate of chips so much in a long time. A punter nearby was tucking into muscles which also looked good. Even the bar staff are friendly and helpful, unual in many city centre bars. 

Like I said plenty of pictures!

McKeown's Bar & Lounge: 16 Clanbrassil Street, Dundalk

This is the type of bar that I imagine when I think of Irish bars. A traditional friendly bar where you can have a great pint, read the paper and catch up on the sport. They also do a fine cheese toasty.

Frankenstein: 26 George IV Bridge, Edinburgh

If you were to look up tacky in the dictionary it would probably mention this bar. They lower a model of Dr Frankenstein’s monster at midnight, however this is not the strangest thing you’ll see here. This bar attracts stag and hen parties like bones attract dogs. I remember watching the Football World Cup and seeing a guy on a stag night who was dressed in a purple morph suit being led by a girl to her friend. Despite standing next to her friend the first girl drunkenly shouted at her that the guy needed 21 kisses in 21 minutes – classy! Yes this is the sort of bar where Jagerbombs are the drink of choice and dry humping is the dance style of choice.   

A truly terrifying place!

Assembly: 41 Lothian Street, Edinburgh

Just across the road from Edinburgh University, this is a great bar to go to if you want to chill out on a Friday or Saturday night. While many bars at the weekend can be packed busy and infuriating (particularly if you’re on a drinking session for a second or third night in a row and are hung-over) this place is never too busy or quiet and always relaxes you and makes you feel up for a night on the town.

The bar is modern and comfortable and has a good atmosphere with friendly bar staff and music that’s lively but doesn’t annihilate conversation. They pour a decent pint of Best, I’ve had a fresh orange there that cured my hangover and they also do cheap drinks deals. It’s also a good place for inexpensive and tasty food, the fajitas are worth a try.

The Morning Star: 17-19 Pottinger's Entry, Belfast

What a fine bar to have my first pint of Guinness in on my recent trip to Belfast! This bar is pretty much no nonsense, proper traditional décor, helpful bar staff and most importantly great tasting pints. I’ve also been told this is an excellent place to have a meal. Sadly food service had finished by the time I got to this bar on a Friday night, however glancing through the menu there was a decent selection of food and prices that would rival Wetherspoons. Above the bar was a small TV which was tuned to a music video channel showing pop/dance music videos. This didn’t seem to fit in with the style of the bar, but it was Friday night and I guess you’ve got to cater for the kids too!

5 Stars for the Morning Star

The Granary: 32-34 Shore, Edinburgh

If you are going for a drink in the Shore I would suggest you avoid this pub! Aesthetically it is quite a nice pub but problems arose as soon as my friends and I approached the bar. Though the pub wasn’t overly busy the bar area was and it took forever to get served. When I did eventually get my Guinness it was absolutely disgusting. This was only my second drink of the night but it made me feel genuinely nauseous. The fact that it was hotter than hell in the bar didn’t really help this feeling. We couldn’t get out of this bar fast enough!

Unfortunately the Granary disproved this theory!

Finnegan's Wake: 9B Victoria Street, Edinburgh

Named after an unreadable James Joyce novel, Finnegan’s Wake may offer much. Whether it be live music, or pints of Best for £1.75, if you flash the student card. However, one thing they don’t offer is a great place to watch the sport. Choosing this as a venue to watch the Scotland VS Spain game, we were rejected, the Irish bar staff choosing to watch the Ireland match on the big screen instead. Fair play it’s an Irish bar, but you’re in Edinburgh. The bar was empty because they were showing the wrong game!

Not showing the Scotland match in Edinburgh? As impossible to understand as the novel the pub was named after!

Sam Jacks: The Gate Complex, Newgate Street, Newcastle

I would love to be able to rant about this bar, but the truth is I quite enjoyed myself there. If you’re on a Stag party (which I was) this is the ideal place to come.

When we arrived there was football on their many TV screens which we enjoyed watching. They had a reasonable selection of beer and a fairly wide variety of bottled beer which I stuck to. 

The highlight of the bar has to be the hot female dancers which the bar employs to dance next to the bar. Another novel attraction is the dentist chair. No they don’t fix your teeth for you! Instead they give you a ridiculous looking steaming shot in a test tube, which you drink as you sit in the dentist chair, and the bar’s fit dancers dance around you. Apparently it costs £5 for the dentist chair experience, although to be fair, last time I went to the actual dentist it cost me far more than that.  There is also a bucking bronco for more Stag/Hen night related hilarity.

Sure the music may not be to everyone’s taste (or anyone over 21 for that matter), and watch out for the guy in the bog who will try to fleece money off you for giving you a bit soap to wash your hands with and a paper towel. Some may even say this bar is tacky in the extreme – and they would be right. However, the bar provides entertainment, it is original, the bar staff and door staff are friendly, the alcohol isn’t overly expensive and therefore on a similar occasion I would certainly go back.

 

Certainly better than a trip to the real dentist!

Belushi's: 13 Market Street, Edinburgh

This is a backpacker bar attached to a hostel. If you go through to the hostel bar (to your right of the main bar) you can get more for less if you pretend you’re staying at the hostel. I only found this out after I’d blabbed to the Aussie barmaid I was from Edinburgh at which point she informed me that she would have to charge me the full fair for the drinks I’d ordered. Clearly they operate an Edinburgh resident tax. How rude! As a small consolation they do have a beer garden which was quite pleasant to sit in as it happened to be a freakishly hot night on the occasion I drank in Belushi's, but let’s face it, most evenings in Scotland you’re not going to want to sit in a beer garden.

To sum up probably a good pub if you’re a backpacker, but if you are a local there are cheaper and better bars!

These randoms are clearly overjoyed because they got the cheap booze deal! 

Rumours of my death have been greatly exaggerated!

Dear readers,

Some of you may have wondered why I have posted no new reviews recently when there are still so many pubs in Edinburgh to be commented on. Some of you may have been furious that you took the time to look at this site and received no new reading material for your trouble!

Well over the last month I have been out and about visiting many pubs in Edinburgh and beyond, experiences which I will share with you over the next few postings.

Highlights to look out for are;

The Murrayfield Hotel, Belushi's, Finnegan’s Wake

Belfast and Dundalk Pubs

Later this month – Newcastle pubs

To kick off proceedings for October I thought I’d begin with the Globe.

The Globe: 13 Niddry Street, Edinburgh

If this bar is not the cheapest in Edinburgh it’s certainly close to it. You can get a bottle of Carlsberg for £1.35 – which is certainly competitive! Unlike many bars that do drink deals only for students – this bar also passes the savings on to hard working punters. No student card or tying to blag it with a snap fax here!

It’s a sports bar of the Aussie ilk (you can get bottles of VB, Tooheys New – if you feel the need). So what better than enjoying some Champions League action with some cheap beer deals? A word of warning though, if you want to watch one of the less popular games – get there ahead of time, as changing the Channel on their many tellys seems as complicated as re-directing a satellite in space!

Some may say the globe is a dingy, tacky bar that plays questionable music and has a distracting light show next to one of the TVs. I would say ignore all that and rejoice in the cheap beer!

VB could also stand for 'very bad'!

The Villager: 49 George IV Bridge, Edinburgh

This is a cool bar full of ‘trendy’ festival goers (soon to be full of ‘trendy’ Edinburgh Uni students). There’s a good selection of pints at the bar including pints of Erdinger. I’m reliably informed that they also do good cocktails, and there are decent 2 for 1 food offers during the week.

If you get a table by the window you can people watch on George IV Bridge.

The Southsider: 3/5/7 West Richmond Street, Edinburgh

This bar grew on me during the time I was there on Saturday. There’s nothing particularly unique about it at first glance. It’s the sort of average cheap and cheerful pub that you could find anywhere in the UK. However, in some ways this is exactly what makes it unique in Edinburgh city centre. I got two drinks for around £6 and enjoyed my pint of Best. No doubt it is the cheap prices that attract the regular student element. There wasn’t any live music on the night I was there, but I have seen bands play here previously. They also seem to show a lot of live sport.

All in all, a good place to go for a cheap pint and catch up with your mates in the city centre.

The graph doesn't lie, students like a drink!

The Harp: 114-116 St Johns Road, Corstorphine, Edinburgh

This place used to be all about drinking and was a proper pub. These days it is all about the carvery. Indeed, I believe the pub has changed its name from ‘the Harp’ to ‘Toby Carvery Edinburgh West’.

If you go for the carvery, you’re likely to be happy with it, as it’s a fine meal for under £8.00. Going to the Harp just for pints though is a different story. It’s a bit like going to Pizza Express only for beer, and then feeling disappointed by the lack of pub atmosphere. Think of the Harp in the same way. They do drinks (in fact the Harp is still actually a pub) but their main focus is food.

I came to this conclusion one Saturday night recently, when some mates and I made just such a mistake and went to the Harp for pints. Sure, the Harp serves a reasonable pint of Best, but I could enjoy a ‘reasonable’ can of Best in my living room. If you think about the other reasons why you go to a pub; atmosphere, entertainment, people watching, the Harp delivers none of these things. They don’t even sell bar snacks. Clearly they think that by not selling a peckish drinker a bag of crisps, said drinker will then rush through to the carvery to buy an entire meal!  They seem to have forgotten though that salty snacks make people drink more beer which = profit.

There were only three other punters in the bar area, all men in their sixties. They looked as disappointed to be there as we were. Leaving the carvery part of the pub though were a group of satisfied looking customers who had clearly enjoyed their meal. So, not to ‘Harp’ on about it, but this place is all about the carvery!

Carvery - the clue's in the name people!

The Spiegeltent: George Square, Edinburgh

Well it’s that time of year again, the festival has begun, and what better place to spend it than in the Spiegeltent. Called ‘Assembly’ this year for no apparent reason (though if you’re actually interested why you can read this Fringe report), it is still the Spiegeltent of old; where festival goers and performers alike can congregate for a drink in one large beer tent. Some may say that sitting on patio furniture, on AstroTurf, drinking out of plastic glasses isn’t really worth the fairly extortionate prices they charge. However, this is the hub of the festival, and much like if you haven’t been to Espionage you haven’t been to Edinburgh, if you haven’t drank in the Spiegeltent you haven’t been to the festival!

Tip: While you’re at the Spiegeltent, order a Jägerbomb. They come in a neatly designed plastic glass which has clearly been designed only for this drink. Also be prepared for massive queues at the bar.

Check out that patio furniture!

Bramble: 16A Queen St, Edinburgh

Looks terrible from the outside but good inside!

This bar has stunning ‘scenery’ and I’m not talking about the architecture. This bar is full of very attractive women. It’s a cocktail bar and I don’t like cocktails – but I liked this bar! Watching the bartenders make cocktails was almost an education, they put so much effort into each drink. I ordered a bourbon and coke and the barmaid seemed delighted to make a drink that wasn’t a cocktail. A DJ mixing and mashing tunes also ensures a lively atmosphere.

The bathrooms appear to be unisex (unless I stumbled upon the wrong bathroom) and there are paintings of naked women on the wall of each cubicle - all a bit random.

If you like cocktails go to this bar.  Gents (and women), if you like attractive women go to this bar. If you like both then you’ve hit the jackpot here!  

Carriers Quarters: 42 Bernard St, Leith, Edinburgh

Traditional Architecture

This pub combines traditional, if not cave like architecture, with 21^st century technology – i.e. the pub looks like a cave and shows the big sports events in 3D. The bar is well stocked, bar staff are helpful and there is good banter in this pub. Tip: get there early if you want to watch the sport in 3D, as this small bar fills up pretty quickly.

21st Century Technology!

The Merlin: 168 Morningside Road, Edinburgh

I was expecting to like this bar when I visited with a friend. I had been there for a pub quiz before and quite enjoyed it but sadly on my recent visit it had changed. The management seemed to have decided that the way to bring in the punters was to go down market (i.e. jakie) and provide zero service. Normally I like downmarket, and I was able to get a pint of Guinness for £2.50. However, the pint was terrible and trying to obtain food required the wizardry powers of Merlin (maybe hence the name?)! Food was advertised, but apparently there had been a problem in the kitchen so they weren’t serving food. The barmaid seemed like she couldn’t care less about the situation (or our drinks order) which is probably because she couldn’t!

Overall, a bar that’s not worth going to even for the cheap drink! You can get cheap drink in the likes of the Standing Order or the Alexander Graham Bell. I wouldn’t even go to this pub if I lived in Morningside!

More disapointing than this dodgy tv series of Merlin!

The Tass: 1 High St, Old Town, Edinburgh

The Royal Mile is littered with ‘tourist’ bars but Tass is one of the better ones. This bar offers folk music, a decent pint and even the opportunity of a free drink. Indeed, the barmaid had poured someone the wrong type of rum so offered it to my mate for free! We were drinking the house ale called Tass 80/- (shillings), a good pint which I would recommend to fans of Belhaven Best! On the wall among other things is a large copy of the Declaration of Arbroath (which American tourists might like to note was apparently the model for their own Declaration of Independence).

I very much enjoyed my visit to this bar, my only complaints were that it shut before 1am on a Saturday night and the hand drier in the Gents was worse than useless. These are minor issues however, which certainly wouldn’t prevent me visiting again.     

Fiddle de dee, fiddle de da!

The Conan Doyle: 71-73 York Place, Edinburgh

You may have read my previous review of the Conan Doyle on my previous pub review site. If not now is your chance! Click here to read it.

What I used to like about this pub was that it was cheap and they did good food (I believe the Sausage and Mash had actually won awards). While you still get a good scran in this pub the beer costs have rocketed. It cost me £7.55 for a pint of Guinness and a pint of Stella Black. As with many cheap pubs that turn expensive, this pub has had a refit. What used to be a dingy cheap pub is now a nicely furnished but expensive one.

They certainly play the Sherlock Holmes card, with a big display about author Arthur Conan Doyle and his most famous creation by the front window (due to this pub lying close to where Conan Doyle was born) . However, if you are a fan of his work I’d suggest buying a book of his literature and reading it in a different, cheaper pub.

Too Expensive? It's elementary my dear Watson!

Element: 110–114 Rose Street, Edinburgh

If you’re heading down Rose Street and fancy somewhere that isn’t a wooden ‘old man’ bar (as so many of the bars on Rose Street are), then you’ll be in your element in Element!

I had actually avoided this trendy bar for some time, as from outside it looked like a hairdressing salon. Once I gave Element a try though it actually won me over. It’s lively, has comfy leather couches and random furniture including a flat screen TV that looks like a mirror.

Most importantly, this bar has a good selection of beer.  Last time I was there I had a beer which tasted like a German Weißbier, but is actually made in Glasgow. Worth a visit.

However this bar can be hit or miss. If you sit at one of the long tables through the back it can kill conversation and some of the beers will put a dent in your wallet!

Shout Out!

Read a fellow pub fan’s reviews at Edinburgh Pub Reviews, containing Edinburgh pub reviews for the discerning beer drinker.

The Raconteur: 50 Dean Street, Edinburgh

Last night I went with some mates to the Raconteur, a bar hidden up a residential side street in Stockbridge. A bit off the beaten track, this bar is only frequented by those in the know. Unfortunately by the end of my visit I was left irritated and only knowing that I would never go back.

I’ll begin with the positives. The bar is stylish and chilled out, there are attractive barmaids who provide table service and if you like cocktails and pretzels you can apparently get many good ones.

The negatives: I don’t like cocktails or pretzels, I like beer, of which there weren’t many choices. The Guinness was fairly average and after a few pints it was sticking in my throat (although it was served in one of the new tactile glasses which I like). As you come to expect in most Edinburgh bars the drink is overpriced! I also don’t really like table service in bars as it destroys the round system – a proud drinking tradition. However, what angered me the most was the service. 

When we arrived the bar was quiet. A barmaid came to our table who, after unnecessarily wasting her time trying to convince us to try some cocktails, eventually got the message we wanted pints. We were given our pints quickly (no problem there) and stayed in the bar for some time, ordering several more drinks. Later one of my mates even tried a cocktail, which seemed to delight the barmaid. By this time the bar had become busier and 2 of my mates had left. I moved from a seat near a speaker into a more comfortable seat, leaving two empty seats in front of our table. The barmaid soon asked me if I would move back to the less comfortable seat to make space for other customers (who could easily have sat on the less comfortable seats in front of us). This, added to the fact that the waitress took ages to produce our most recent round of drinks, made us feel like we had been relegated from hero to zero customers!

I would have expected a bar like this, which survives on word of mouth, would have done all it could to keep customers coming back. I won’t be going back and would recommend my readers don’t bother either.   

Pretzel Logic?
(That's a Steely Dan album for those not in the know!)